October 2011
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A rocky horror story
whileyouweresleeping:
A man sitting next to my friend and me in a cafe on a North London street is approached by a little girl in white tights, a smiley pumpkin mask and a green cape.
Girl: “Trick or treat?”
He: “Go away. This is England. We don’t trick or treat. Halloween is American.”
— From London.
This made my day. Hopefully Australia stays this course.
steelopus asked: WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
The only way I knew that was my own butt is because I recognized my hand.
I NEVER SEE MY OWN ASS.
I hope it still looks like that. That was many pizzas ago.
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Confession
beefranck:
I was so desperate to get some rest last night that I took NyQuil. I slept for five hours. Heaven.
Girl, there is no Nyquil in Australia. I had the last of mine a while back. I think I’m going to have to beg my moms to send me some. In the original Green Death flavor, because I like to keep it real. That shit makes me levitate.
“Americans would not enjoy the Australian way of life.
Our easy-going...”
– The Age, How’s the serenity? Aussie life less joyous for Yanks
Sorry we watch less TV, guys.
(via indefensible)
Why have friends over to your house when there’s a dozen perfectly good pubs within walking distance? I don’t have a dishwasher, so you do that math on that one.
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That just made me remember how much I detested Mr...
Now, don’t get me wrong, I look at Mr Rogers Neighborhood now and I see what a sweet, gentle, nice program that was for children. I, of course, being an evil, sarcastic, smart-ass child pretty much from birth, hated that show with all the hate and scorn my tiny self could muster. And I just realized I still hate those creepy puppets. Why does Lady Elaine’s nose look like a burnt...
How I impress my heroes
indefensible:
Me: This is Erin. She’s bought me tickets to your shows for two of my birthdays. Your music’s been a big deal to us.
Dean Wareham: Hi Erin. That’s so nice of you. Is that an American accent?
Erin: Yeah, I’m from Calif…
Me: SHE’S FROM FRESNO!! FRESNO!
Dean Wareham: I, uh, don’t know where that is.
Erin (hating me very much indeed): Do you know...
Dear Pedicure Clients,
Please stop apologizing to me about your hairy/stubbly legs. I’m cutting your fucking toenails and scraping the dead skin off your heels. The hair on your legs is pretty much the least gross thing about you right now.
Kisses,
Your nail lady
PS. Seriously, get over it. It’s leg hair. Big deal. Want to see mine? I haven’t waxed in like, two months. I’ll let you pet it.
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Just Sit the Hell Down →
katydidsays:
rachelskirts:
A really great conversation emerged in the comment section of this article on The Hairpin, a conversation in which funny women call out other women for peeing all over the toilet seat or creating thrones of toilet paper or freaking out about butt germs. Anyway, somewhere in there is a PDF that you should download, print, laminate, and stick up in the nearest public...
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"See you next Tuesday"
superlinguo:
On The Age website today is another of the usual celebrity fluff pieces about poplette Rihanna. I was drawn to the article for the headline:
Rihanna’s ‘see you next Tuesday’ slip of the tongue
I didn’t understand it. Has she made a scheduling gaff? Blundered a closely kept secret as to her whereabouts. Nope, turns out she used to use the word ‘cunt’ a lot until a staffer told...
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The Trailer Park* Hand Treatment
I’m a manicurist. I own at least two dozen salon-quality hand/nail moisturizing treatments. Here’s my favorite one:
You will need:
1 pair dishwashing gloves
Any heavy-duty hand cream**
A sink full of dirty dishes
A sink full of very hot water
It helps to not have a dishwasher. Unless you’re one of those sick fucks who enjoys washing dishes by hand.
Put dishes in sink...
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