January 2011
“She looks like she was created in a lab for the purpose of shopping at Wal-mart...”
– Erin, 1/28/2008.
Digging through the gmail archives, like I do. (via spratt)
Random Rants & Rumblings: Who I am. →
claviusrobinsky:
I’m a Mormon. I have been my whole life. I was born into the church and grew up in it. When I was an early teen I began to go a different route. Even when I bore no outward signs of my beliefs and was living in direct contradiction to those beliefs I could never deny them.
I am no stranger to…
I am, and always have been, an atheist. I would even go so far as to...
“A woman without curves, is like jeans without pockets, you don’t know where to...”
– Italian proverb
Well, guess what, Italian proverb dude, if you can’t figure out where to put your hands on me, then you probably don’t deserve to touch me. - signed, Snake-Hips
So many Taco Bell memories
While I was writing that last post, I realized that I have at least a dozen separate Taco Bell stories, most of which involved me and my friends, in our early 20s, drunk and/or stoned. The most recent is me, Ross, and my brother having to walk through the Taco Bell drive-thru in Morro Bay because the dining room was already closed. This was nothing new to me, but Ross was at once horrified and...
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It's sugar rehab, not a diet
My energy levels are shit. So, for the next two weeks I’m going to try to get my sugar and carb cravings (otherwise known as my wildly roller-coastering blood sugar) under control. For the next 14 days, it’s no carbs (unless they come from veggies) and no sugar (even fruit - which is no big deal, as I don’t really eat much fruit anyway). Lots and lots of veg, lean meat, and...
Who needs a unifying theme anyway?: What it is. →
indefensible:
Have you ever seen a music box? A wind-up one with a figurine of a ballerina? If you’re anything like me, you probably wound its key and let the music play and watched the ballerina turn and turn. Plink plink plink.
And if you’re anything like me, you probably got bored and forced the key the wrong way, speeding up the ballerina, grinding the clockwork gears inside the box and...
Jimmy Buffett falls off stage at Australia Day... →
Well, I just had my first laugh of the morning.
5'8" beyotches
But I should wear heels more often. In the US I was considered tall, but here I’m just average. Aussie bitches be tall, yo.
Jim Chaney Presents jim_rock: Fuck Craigslist →
jimrock:
Whats so FLAGGY about asking for a cup of male urine on craigslist? I don’t get it but I’ve gotten flagged three times now. The readers of Creative Gigs, Items Wanted and Services Needed are obviously harboring some resentment towards liquid excrement collection.
So fuck Craigslist, I’m posting…
I would give Jim my pee. If I was in Seattle. And I was a dude. (See, Ross? I...
Erin and I can turn anything into a competition.
indefensible:
We currently have a houseguest who is French. Erin and I have been competing to see who can teach our houseguest to pronounce the greatest number of words in our respective accents.
Example: ‘Boner’
Me: it’s pronounced BOWNAH.
Frenchie: bonhuerre?
Erin: No! BOWNURR!
Frenchie: bonhuerre?
And repeat until Erin and I collapse into fits of idiotic giggles.
Between this,...
“Anyone from anywhere can be cruel, anyone from anywhere can be witty, but there...”
– As Ricky Gervais discovered this week, British banter - that playfully barbed conversational style used up and down the country - can baffle and perturb foreigners. America is a land of Regency etiquette in comparison. (via theeconomist)
This is why I never quite fit in back home.
“I don’t think I went far enough… Obviously not, because they invited me back....”
– Ricky Gervais after last year’s Golden Globes.
This just in - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bravo Ricky, bravo. (via morefunthanbeingsad)
From now on, I’m just going to preface everything I say with, “when I get my engagement ring someday”.
WIGMERS
First day back at work today
I tell my first manicure client of the day (just a random, not one of my regulars) that I am back after severing the tendon of my little finger nearly 4 months ago and recovering from surgery. I show her my crooked right pinky. She asks me if I’m right or left-handed. I tell her “right”. She says, “Well, that’s good, because when you get your engagement ring someday,...
The Larry Sanders shows is amazing, but so so old.
indefensible:
Erin got me the entire show on DVD for Christmas. They just made jokes about Hank dating a Solid Gold dancer in1979, and about how Larry’s new movie will be great when it comes out on LaserDisc.
LaserDisc.
I wouldn’t have fucking bought it for you if I knew you were going to yell over and over “1993 WAS EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO! EIGHTEEN!”
Couple floating on blow-up dolls rescued on... →
guillee:
A couple floating down Melbourne’s Yarra River on inflatable dolls have been rescued after getting into trouble.
[…] Police say the fate of the dolls is unknown.
I’d love to hear Ross & Erin’s side of the story.
Ew to the blow-up dolls and ew to that skanky river.
If I'd known it was going to be that kind of...
That penis looks like a naked mole rat.
Saturday morning over coffee
indefensible:
Erin: Why didn’t they use the Styx song ‘Babe’ in the movie ‘Babe’?
Me: Because it’s not about pigs.
Erin: Have you *seen* a Styx fan?
Granted, I haven’t seen a Styx fan since the mid- eighties, but we all know the type. Now can someone please remove that earworm?
