January 2010
Dear Ross
If you don’t get your ass out of bed and turn off Pavement (my least favorite band of all time) I am going to post the photos I took of you while you were having a nap over New Year holidays and your shirt was all up around your armpits and it makes you look like you’re a sleepy bearded belly-shirt wearing toddler with a pituitary disorder.
Pedi-semi-fail:
monkeyfrog:
inmi:
The part where you walk outside in flipflops in the snow in 14 degree weather. That part sucked.
You need to invent ToePees. Little teepees that go over the end of flip flops to keep your feet warm but not touch the polish.
I’M A GENIUS, I TELL YOU! A GENIUS!
From the perspective of someone who actually does nails, I always thought these were clever, if hideous.
Doppelgängers?
piscesinpurple:
When I was in fifth grade my teacher told me I looked Winona Ryder. Square Dance had just come out. In that movie she wore glasses.
Freshman year the guys on my floor called me “Kennedy”. The MTV VJ? Yeah. I had glasses just like hers and also I was obnoxious. (What’s the opposite of shocked?)
After college, a few years post-Titanic, I got Kate Winslet. This was Hideous...
Pillow Talk
emzbulletproof:
Me: Two days later and I’m still so tired! Do you think I caught mono in San Francisco? I’m pretty sure I didn’t make out with anybody. B: It’s probably just your AIDS acting up again. Are you sure you’re not hallucinating and in bed with Erin & Ross?
wat
After a Starbucks customer orders his drink in...
dielaughing:
Guy waiting for drink, to his friend: [In horrible Japanese accent] “I WUD WAN WUN CARFEE!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! His friend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Me: How many languages do you speak? Him: Haha what? Me: How many languages do you speak? Him: English. Why? Me: [to the friend] …and you? The friend: English. Me: I just asked you both for a number, and you both answered:...
Happy Australia Day, everyone!
It’s just like the 4th of July (beer, BBQs and fireworks) but with a whole shitload more white liberal guilt and feeling inferior to other countries (mainly England and the US).
Some of you sure know how to overthink a fuckin day off work.
Don’t worry, Australia, I think you’re alright.
You know how Ross was on a vintage rap kick last...
Here’s what happens when Ross is watching music videos on youtube:
Ross: Remember this one? Me: No, I told you I didn’t have cable tv until I was 16. Ross: You MUST have seen this one. Me: NO, I didn’t have MTV in the 80s. Ross: This one? Me: I LIVED IN THE STICKS WE GOT 3 CHANNELS MTV WAS ONLY ON CABLE OR SATELLITE WE DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING LIKE RAGE ON FREE TV HOW MANY...
Currently reading this →
Hey, it can’t hurt.
lilykily:
“I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire...
Marie Claire
shoesofprey:
Very very excitingly, we have this month been featured on page 135 of Marie Claire Australia. This is our first “glossy” appearance and we’re absolutely thrilled.
And on the front cover in an act of bravery…Jennifer, naked and un-retouched! we love the courage and wish that we looked this amazing without digital enhancement!
And we’re absolutely honoured to be in the company...
Flat Tire
3barr:
When I was 19 I had a job working for trucking company that hauled tomatoes out of the Westside of the valley. It was decent enough job. I spent twelve hours a day seven days a week driving between fields and making sure that trucks were there ready to pick up full trailers and drop off empty ones. I was also working part time at another job Monday through Friday. Between my part...
I can post long, narcissistic rants in the middle...
shoesonwrong:
It’s like screaming into space, actually.
Also: sorry Australians and others on that side of the globe.
Hey, we’re just happy somebody’s posting. We’ll take what we can get!
edit - especially when you’re handing some moron their ass on a platter.
College (aka University) in America →
The next time any of you Aussies want to moan about your HECS debt, have a look at this and understand why you’re not getting a lick of sympathy from me.
Lazy Sunday 6:47pm edition
House is clean
Laundry is done
Grocery shopping complete
Season 5 of The Wire on DVD
Vodka tonics with lime
Rosemary/parmesan crumbed lamb cutlets prepped
Potatoes prepped for mashing
Homemade chocolate ice cream done (made last night)
Me prepped for another week of training
Vices.
atsirhc:
now, i’d say my vice is definitely my computer. i depend on it, i depend on the people i talk to every day, i depend on it to keep me entertained and to keep me away from large crowds of people, i depend on it to keep me destressed after a long work day. i don’t know what i would do without my computer.
but back then, my vice was food.
when i was 23 years old, i ended a 5 year...
I just learned the apartment lesson.
xntrek:
yowhatsthehaps:
I do not live in an apartment. I have never lived in an apartment. I live in a basement suite. We don’t have many windows. Therefore, I don’t have the concerns of an apartment dweller.
This is why when I was halfway through getting dressed and couldn’t find my watch, I wandered around from room to room looking for it. Each of these rooms has floor to ceiling windows....
getting some work done.
melissasantos:
i hate my nose. awhile ago i started a nose job fund but have had to use it for emergencies like paying my rent after i quit a job or hiring a lawyer after i’ve done something “illegal.”
anyway, i just got a second job. i could use that extra money to travel & other fun stuff, but i’m going to blow it on a new nose. (haha, get it?)
i don’t care if people think it’s stupid or...
FAIL FAIL FAIL
sonicocean:
I believe I can speak for Jen and myself when I say:
1: If you have a dick, we’re not interested. A good fuck won’t straighten us out. - FAIL
2: If you suddenly DM, IM, Email us with “ideas for a project” and then start complimenting us and saying stupid unrealistic shit like, “We can live in the Eiffel Tower” - FAIL
OF COURSE you can’t live in the Eiffel Tower because this...
fuiru - I'll be having some of those crisps now....
marleymarley:
fuiru:
marleymarley:
fuiru:
(via marleymarley)
<le snip>
<le snip>
<le snip>
Oh, and beef and onion is the best flavour of crisp on the planet.
You’re high.
Honey Soy Chicken
secret tumblr message:
atsirhc:
i’m kind of sad that we never got the chance to build a real friendship rather than the one i thought we had.
I sent you my pube clippings in the mail! How much more real do you want? A vial of blood? Damn, Billy Bob, chill out!
Sheeeeit!
portorock:
If it’s gonna be that kinda party, I’ma stick ma dick in the mashed potatos!
I said this the other day and Ross had no idea what I was talking about. I was shocked. I’m still shocked.
My First Thought was... How does this girl have...
monkey-tone-news:
… I just waxed a gal who could not while lying on her back, bend her knee and lie her thigh to the side… for those in the yoga know, tree pose lying down is ideal for waxing… beyond that, she could barely spread her legs.
… she was healthy and trim, a runner… the most unflexible person I have ever had the joy of waxing.
She must be in the Navy. Because she sounds like a...
The Frugal Kick creates Creativity
3barr:
The missus and I have been on a frugal kick lately and doing everything we can to save save save. We’re not being forced to do this. I’m still employed and we’re overall in a good position. We just want to see how much money we can avoid spending.
One of the things we’ve stopped doing is dining out whenever we feel lazy. That said, I had a massive craving for a burger. This could be...
