“Yesterday, I ambled up to a colleague’s shiny new iPhone 6. I saw that it was charging, and I said “Hey Siri, from now on call me Penis-Face”. Guess what? Siri duly changed his nickname in his contacts and said “Ok, from now on, I’ll call you Penis-Face.” I exploited a ‘feature’ of iOS 8 — when an iPhone is connected to power, it constantly listens for the term ‘Hey Siri”, followed by a command. Then it executes that command.”—Your next project needs a white-hat jerk.
I did this with a coworker’s phone and now it calls him “Pretty, Pretty Princess.”
I keep reading in posts here that what you need to do during sex is be able to laugh, but I’ve had a problem with too much laughing during sex and that’s not good either.
I too have experienced this, in fact, I have fallen off the bed…
I have straight up killed the sexy mood by making people laugh. Numerous times. Here’s a hot tip: don’t try to do erotic lap dances to the iTunes “One Hit Wonder” station. Specifically Cameo’s “Word Up”.
Something something did you know your diet influences the taste of your semen? A couple of years ago I taught myself to distinguish between vegetarians and meat lovers. And someone on the internet, who is involved with someone else on the internet so both shall remain nameless, pointed out that they found a convincing reason to get their partner to stop taking fish oil supplements beyond mere fishy burps.
It’s ok, everyone knows I got a mouthful of fish oil jizz from Ross about 5 years ago. 🐠🐟🐬🐳
“Imagine, for a moment, that you must quit using Facebook forever, starting right now. No more posting to Facebook or checking Facebook for the rest of your life. But don’t worry, you can still e-mail all those friends. Does that make you feel panicky? If you’re panicky, it’s a clue. Maybe you’ve been on Facebook for most of your life, so this kind-of-addicted feeling seems normal to you. It’s not normal. I was talking with a woman in her 50s this weekend, who said to me, “I wish I could quit Facebook but it’s so addictive: ‘Oh, this person said this, that person said that, and oh, this person is taking boating lessons, let’s look at all the pictures of the boat,’ and then before I know it two hours have passed and I don’t even KNOW the person taking boating lessons!” This is what it feels like when your connections with a platform are being strengthened, as opposed to the connections with the people you love: you can spend two hours on Facebook looking at the boating lessons of people you don’t even know. This is very convenient for Facebook.”—
Maybe the bigger question is “why are you Facebook friends with people you don’t know?” Since moving to Australia from the US 8 years ago (which not half my life, Jesus, how young are you people? Facebook has barely been around a decade) , and joining Facebook about 6 months after I moved (to be followed by Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and a few other social media platforms that didn’t stick), I’ve been able to maintain my friendships back home and even reconnect with people I lost touch with during all of my travels. 15 years ago, when I worked on cruise ships, you kept in touch with everyone back home via group emails (which always felt too much like a Xmas newsletter to me). I’ve gone dormant on Facebook for periods of time. Tomorrow I’m going home for the first time in 2 years, and on Saturday I’ll see a group of my oldest friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for 7 years. Facebook (all of it’s privacy issues aside) and other social media is a tool. You use it. Don’t blame it because you sat around looking at pictures of people you don’t know. Like a fucking tool. This post brought to you by my lack of coffee.